Well, its been 3 days since ma parents have been away, and the only way i can put wht went on is in bullet points, or lists, as i love them
* Day 1 = Mum and Dad got me up early, as was off on days holiday, mum gave me a list of things to do , mum and dad left, had a bath, didnt know wht to do with myself, had a wee cry, i think it cause like both ma sisters have lived with someone (a guy), whereas i have never been on my own before i always lived with family or ma sister, and the time i was left alone in that flat a found a man in ma toilet!!!!
* Day 2 = Went to work, ppl kept commenting how quiet i was, i just got on with work,asked ma mate in work if she wanted to come round for a chinese and that tomorrow night, she couldnt as her neice ill, spent a little while on the phone to lou crying again, but then was ok as turned into a 3 hour convo about God.
*Day 3 = Thinking lots, wandereing if me turning 30 has caught up with me, wandering why im here when there is absolutely nothing for me here,apart from ma parents,wandering if i will live here till im 50, wandering why i cant enjoy ma time here on my own and why i fear so much, why i wake up 2 3 and 4 in the morn wishing for the sun to rise, wishing i could call friends close to me ,but i would rather save the embarrassment, wandering why even tho i have hunners of friends all over the uk, the little ones i have here in fort william are not a touch on wht i would call one....wandering why ma sisters got it good and i havent, and i feel SO SO selfish in thinking all these things because i know i do have it good in so many ways, but where do i go from here, i cant live with ma folks forever and there is certainly nothing keeping me here, ma best friend (ma sis stacey) i lost her now, she now has her life with her man , i just dunno wht i gonna do, where i gonna go, whats gonna happen , but i know God is with me, i dont even know wht it is i want.....i just feel so lost, lonely in a sense,i have been reading my bible, but sometimes its not all in our time, its in his, i have got so much thinking to do, and a may right another list as something in ma life needs to change, i dont even know why im writing this blog, tears are flowing now but i cant stop, i just know the closest friends i have read this, and i guess its me letting it all out x
6 comments:
You know Kirsty, your brothers and sisters in Christ can be closer to you than blood relatives. Blood maybe thicker than water but love is thicker than blood so you're never, ever alone xxxx
(((((((( Kirsty))))))))) aw love, its ok you know. your piling too much on yourself, stop mounting it up and deal with it one problem at a time chicken. Do you want to come to mine this weekend? You're more than welcome you know! You'll just need to kip in with me and we can kick mark on the couch he wont mind!
You know you can pick up the phone to me at ANY time.. be it 2, 3 or 4am, and I'll never think you stupid so there's no need to be embarrassed goodness how many times have i called you in a state and look at all you done for me when i was full of snot and tears over dantool, u didn't think I was being silly then did you!
You're never alone, cause I happen to be like one of those wee proverbial bad pennies.. i keep turning up and I always will! So little lady get that beautiful smile plastered across your face, get that gorgeous little face of yours lifted up and learn to love and believe in yourself, but for now I believe in you enough for both of us xxxx
Hey!
Was just passing by and i thought i should stop to say how much i understand all of what you said here.
I'm kind of addicted to my parents being home all the time too, so that makes two of us, at least.
Don't bother being embarrassed about waking up at odd hours- i literally shot up to the ceiling every time the phone or doorbell rang while i was alone at home. I now sleep like i'm on sedatives- you're right- they're back!
You're so lucky you're employed and at least get to venture out for the heck of it.
Watch movies at home, EAT (the best time to order food!), go for a walk/movie by yourself- just thought i'll leave you with a few of my lame ideas. Hope that helped :)
who is the warrior in me ??
Oh i'm so sorry you feel intruded upon- didn't mean to at all.
Your blog just happened to come up when i hit the "next blog" button up there, i happened to relate to what you'd said and so thought i'd leave a comment telling you what i thought.
Hope that made sense.
Have a good day.
For answering your Question- The Warrior in ME is just another random blogger on the world wide web with no hard feelings for anyone.
You'd probably get to know as much as there to know on my blog- lame, but that's all i can seem to say!
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